“The goodness of God endures continuously. “ Psalms 52
Church on Sunday talked about Killing Giants: Difficult Times. Clearly this one spoke quite loudly for us as we are at the beginning of a very difficult time. One we did not anticpate or expect or have any hint at whatsoever. When going through a difficult time such as this one can either get mad and play the blame game or one can look around at the blessings. I think you all know which category I land in. I have noticed many blessings along my path in the last few weeks of this diagnosis.
As many of you know Evan and I have become nomads of some sort, always having that wanderlust and curiosity of other places to explore. But Austin is home and our family and good friends are here, so we are back. Well now that I have cancer Evan and I cannot imagine being anywhere else… so even though God does not create bad, he brings good out of bad. So my life journey had cancer in it, but God chose to lead us back to Austin knowing we would need our village to carry us through this difficult time.
Evan is a teacher and is off during the summer… I was diagnosed right before summer started. So now that my chemo brain is starting to kick in and icky feelings, I am lucky enough to have my hubby as my right-hand man to help carry me through this chemo phase of cancer this summer.
Henley turned a year old the day before I was diagnosed. Many may not understand how much that blessing means to me, but if you read my post about Unexpected Weaning, then you would understand my mama perspective on how much nursing means to me and how this lessened the blow a little bit for me having her be older. Of course, do I wish I would have known about it earlier so I could have caught this beast at an earlier phase, of course I do. But I have been trying to talk my self-talk about of berating myself for the past and focusing on the future and what I can do now.
That cancer came after me instead of my kids. Now I am sure my parents want to argue this one with me, but I am an adult. Pretty strong I’d like to say haha, and I know I can handle this. But if one of my daughters were going through this, no way. I am more than happy to take on this battle on their behalf. I will take all the pain, the nauseas, the icky taste in my mouth, the lack of appetite, the groggy brain, the slow movements, the exhaustion, the pokes and prods, the blood tests, the chemo, the medicine, the surgery, the recovery, the radiation so my daughters don’t have to go through this. I thank the Lord that my children are spared from this ugly monster.
Many want to know what to do when a family or friend is going through difficult times and I really liked what the pastor said, three things:
Show up- You don’t have to call or text, just come by. I guess it depends on the person, but most people who know me know I love being around people. I love the laughter in the background, the sounds of cooking and a cooking show on in the distance. I love being surrounded by those that care for me. That helps me get through these hard days. I love the idea of a revolving patio door, where people are always coming by. Of course, you have to be healthy and wash your hands (lol), but I’d love to see your faces.
Resist the need to say something profound- really, we all know cancer sucks. So, you don’t have to come up with some amazing wisdom (unless you’re a survivor, then I know you have profound things to say and I need to hear all of it). Sometimes I just need people to be real with me, and I know that might only be a select few. And I also need the ‘peppy ones’ and the ‘sarcastic ones’ and ‘the get my mind of things ones’, ‘get off the couch let’s go walk ones’, ‘let’s cuddle and cry and watch a movie ones’...everyone has their place I think.
Identify a Need and meet it- when people are going through difficult times there is always a need. Whether that be a meal, cleaning, picking up the house, helping with kids, a grocery run, putting clothes away, hanging out on the couch. There is always a need, please don’t wait for someone to tell you, if you identify one then take initiative and help. We’ll try to always identify our needs, but our brains are in overdrive, and we cannot always think past the few minutes before us.
God says, “I’m not going to let you go, until I get you home.”
“I will bless the Lord at all time, his praise will continually be in my mouth.” Psalm 34
Psalm 142- When Davis was in the cave. A prayer.
1 I cry aloud to the Lord;
I lift up my voice to the Lord for mercy.
2 I pour out before him my complaint;
before him I tell my trouble.
3 When my spirit grows faint within me,
it is you who watch over my way.
In the path where I walk
people have hidden a snare for me.
4 Look and see, there is no one at my right hand;
no one is concerned for me.
I have no refuge;
no one cares for my life.
5 I cry to you, Lord;
I say, “You are my refuge,
my portion in the land of the living.”
6 Listen to my cry,
for I am in desperate need;
rescue me from those who pursue me,
for they are too strong for me.
7 Set me free from my prison,
that I may praise your name.
Then the righteous will gather about me
because of your goodness to me.
Rev 21- “No more despair, no more pain or disappointment. He wipes away our tears forever.”
All of these scriptures inspire me to lean on the Lord and He will move me through this battle and a reminder that He has sent these blessings our way despite our ragged road ahead.