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Waiting is the hardest part...

In this whole rollercoaster ride, the waiting is the hardest part. The anticipation of what is to come…how it’ll feel, so many questions swirl around your head, will it hurt? Will I be the one who hardly feels anything? How much can I function in my home with two little girls?

Exactly two weeks after I was diagnosed with breast cancer I went to get my port placed. It is an outpatient, short surgery. Evan and I checked in to the hospital, they came in to do an EKG, just to have a baseline of my heart before this rollercoaster officially begins. Then they whisked me back for the surgery. My heart was racing, I was so nervous. And this truly marked the beginning of this whole battle. Thankfully the nurse and everyone was really nice. I made it very clear that I didn’t want to feel anything, and they laughed and said they’d make sure to take care of me.

The nurse pushed my gurney down the hall toward my OR room, she left me outside for a few minutes to make sure the room was properly set up. My heart was racing and I just prayed to the Lord above to help calm my heart and to help me surrender to this whole entire process so that the medicine will do its job and rid my body of this horrific monster. And a moment later I felt a calm just wash over my body, like He heard my desperation and wanted to show that if, “I be still and know that He is God.” Psalm 46 Then I will overcome this entire battle. That was exactly what I needed before the nurse pushed me into the room. Then they cleaned up my site and put paper all around me, the nurse said she was going to start the sedation and I welcomed it. Soon I was lured into a nice twilight zone slumber, which I fully appreciated.

Then next thing I knew, I was done and being whisked back to Evan. They did leave my port accessed, which means it already had a needle and tube hanging out of it, ready for my first chemotherapy infusion the next day. This would make it easier to access since the surgery was just done and my site would be swollen and sensitive. That part was uncomfortable and sensitive, it did look worse than it was. We hung out for about an hour to make sure I was okay to walk around. Then we needed to get me some grub, since I had to fast until the procedure. We went to good ole Jim’s Diner and I got eggs benedict on top of tomatoes instead of English muffins, it came with hash browns and fruit…perfect breakfast. Which reminded us we need to bring the girls here for breakfast one morning. I got home and was able to enjoy the girlies, I was really nervous about them pulling on my port, so I tried not to do too much with them. We had our nutritionist appointment (blog on that soon) and then a photoshoot of our family before my next drastic haircut. That was important to me to document my family before it gets even more real. The pictures were gorgeous and beautifully captured by Laura Morsman Photography.

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