be still and smile

I am so thankful for you both. When I was a girl all I ever played at and pretended was “house” and being a mom. With the help of the Lord my dream came into fruition. You both have changed my world. You help me yearn to be better with every breath I take. You remind me what a child-like faith is. You remind me how to trust, how to be brave and how to love everyone regardless of our differences. You both give me courage, grit and help me open the door to being the best versio

During this season of Christmas, many embrace joy and gladness. The twinkling lights dazzle and the spirit of the season stirs up an awakening of magic and…hope. Others are experiencing, struggles and the reminder of such a season of cheer drowns them in their own despair and brings relentless thoughts of fear. Both of these feelings are completely valid and are allowed to co-mingle during the season of Christmas. The message I learned at church this past Sunday focused on ju

All the pink banners, balloons, ribbons and such have come down… and yet I and thousands of other women still have cancer. How nice it must be for those on Instagram or Facebook to be able to just scroll by a post about breast cancer and not give it another thought. For survivors, we don’t get to opt out of cancer after October ends. It is in our every waking hour. I talk to other women and they get emotional five years out, 10 years out… do you know why? Because cancer never

Formal Definition: A DIEP flap is a type of breast reconstruction in which blood vessels called deep inferior epigastric perforators (DIEP), as well as the skin and fat connected to them, are removed from the lower abdomen and transferred to the chest to reconstruct a breast after mastectomy without the sacrifice of any of the abdominal muscles. Nine months ago, I had a unilateral mastectomy to remove the cancerous tumor, because it was the immediate need. I chose to leave my

Today I am having another mastectomy and reconstruction surgery. It is the biggest, longest surgery I will have to go through in this cancer battle. It will be a grueling recovery, even more so since I have little ones at home. I cannot lift for 3 months and I have a two-year-old. I was sad to see my rightie go back in November, but to be completely honest I am sadder this time around to see lefty go. Why? Well lefty was the good side. Lefty is where my girls spent most of th

Today four years ago, I became a mother. The thing I wanted most in this world, besides being Evan's wife. I was given that gorgeous gift with a daughter, straight from above. I planned so precisely for that moment and when it arrived she completely took my breath away. Not much can be explained like a mother’s love. It is unexplainable…the power, the depth, the feeling that you would do absolutely anything in the world for that being, and that starts from in the womb, to the

In the last few days I have seen everyone’s best nine photo collages being posted on Instagram from 2017. These rubbed me in a strange way, to say this year has been difficult is the understatement of the century. I began to look at all the photos from the last year…if you were to scroll through my phone you would think the start to 2017 was pretty great. You’d see photos of Halen and I with warm hats on in the chilly January weather, you would see Halen playing dress up, new

I have been processing information for the last few days, trying to figure out how to put it into words. The beginning of this journey was hard to grapple with, but as we learned more solid information our shoulders started to release, just a bit. I am a planner at heart, I love knowing what is ahead, and I started to feel okay with things once we had a plan. I set my sights for summer 2018 being the time when I would be my shiny new self and my family would get a chance to g

The moment I was diagnosed I chose to take the positive route. At first this was easy, I was running on adrenaline. I have always been a faithful person, and clung to that faith harder than ever before. I prayed daily and started my BSF bible study to help dive into the word to bring out the hope buried in me waiting to be released. “Man can live about forty days without food, about three days without water, about eight minutes without air, but only for one second without hop

Once my 16 chemotherapy treatments were completed and with my imminent surgery which would leave me destabilized for a while, I knew I wanted time away with my family. Plus, our family decided experiences were vital from this point forward. I emailed a few hotels around the city to see what my options were. When I emailed with Jeanie, from Hyatt Lost Pines Resort and Spa, I was thrilled to put together a weekend stay. Her vision, above and beyond generosity, and individualize

As moms, we are told to take care of ourselves, “Nap when the baby naps!” but oftentimes we shrug this off because we are “too busy” taking care of everyone else. And just as the flight attendants will say, obtain oxygen for yourself and then turn to help your loved ones. But do we operate like that from day to day? Most of the time I would say, no. That is until we are given a reality check in life where God is gently nudging us to put ourselves first, so that we can be help

I remember having pre-game jitters as a kid...t-ball. Being the center of attention when you were up to bat and that nervousness that would overcome me. I had serious jitters when I played Mary in our church's Christmas play...literally forgot all my lines when it was time to perform and stood there completely blank. I always remember having jitters before Christmas morning, I think that was more of the exciting jitters though. Definitely had jitters when it came to my weddin

This is a two-part blog, first part is about my faith and my mental stability throughout this whole battle. The second part is about my physical well-being and actually staying “well” while battling cancer. As far as my faith goes, it is truly the only thing that gets me through the day. I cannot imagine dealing with this battle without believing in God and believing in Christ and the Holy Spirit. I can't imagine not having that hope that anchor to grip onto…gives me hope a

A Breast Cancer Survivor's Perspective As I am rounding out my chemotherapy treatments in October, it is impossible to miss all the pink…for what some call Pinktober. I have had 13 chemo treatments, and I have been preparing myself for this month since my diagnosis in May. At first, I was hesitant to join the pink bandwagon…it is just not my color. I always get drawn toward different blue hues, they pull me in with their calming effect and give me some since of serenity. As t