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The moment I was diagnosed I chose to take the positive route. At first this was easy, I was running on adrenaline. I have always been a faithful person, and clung to that faith harder than ever before. I prayed daily and started my BSF bible study to help dive into the word to bring out the hope buried in me waiting to be released.

“Man can live about forty days without food, about three days without water, about eight minutes without air, but only for one second without hope.” – Anonymous

It is truly how astonishing how important hope is. When one is hopeless, they wither away letting pessimistic thoughts and darkness creep in. They allow their mind chatter to erupt into doom and gloom…leading to disaster.

Having hope, having something to believe in and hold on to is crucial for life. Many try to hold onto tangible things to give them hope, but those are all false. The one thing that has gotten me through this day to day, is my faith in Jesus Christ. I believe He has awoken my spirit and is carrying me throughout this battle. I don’t know how one grieving or battling with a terrifying disease such as cancer doesn’t turn to God for mercy and grace.

“You’re born, you suffer, you die. Fortunately, there’s a loophole.” – Billy Graham

I have had the hardest time lately with the unknown, with why this happened, with the reality of it all, with the future, with my daughters’ lives wrapped up in this, with my husband being forced into the role as a caretaker…it is all extremely overwhelming and it all came crashing down once the adrenaline had mellowed out.

Our family searches for a new normal on a daily basis. But we have Jesus, we went back to church on Sunday and he was loud and clear telling me that I cannot expect my husband, children, friends, other family members to make me happy. I will be disappointed every single time. That the only hope I have, is in Jesus and his undying love for us. Human nature will screw up every time, even given every tool to succeed…it is just how freewill works. However, with the greatest gift of all, we were given that loophole. To be given the Good News, the holy word to live in daily which helps us live happily and abundantly, regardless of the broken world around us. Then we get to experience paradise, with no tears, no pain, no strife, no cancer…just pure joy like we’ve never known before.

“If children have the ability to ignore all odds and percentages, then maybe we can all learn from them. When you think about it, what other choice is there but to hope? We have two options, medically and emotionally: give up, or fight like hell.” – Lance Armstrong

I may be experiencing more lows than I want to lately, but every day I choose hope. I pray and think of how I can help others, how I can be more present for my daughters, little things I can do to bring Evan joy. Everything I do in this battle is a gamble… from treatment, to surgery, to diet, to exercise, and it is exhausting and overwhelming. I have to have hope, know there is purpose and reason behind all of this suffering, learn from it, be better from it all and fight like hell to be around for the next 60+ years.

“If you realized how powerful your thoughts are, you would never think a negative thought.”

– Mildred Lisette Norman (Peace Pilgrim)

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