be still and smile

It has been about 938 days since I was told I had breast cancer. Since then I have had 1 year of chemotherapy, radiation and 4 surgeries. Oh and therapy for over a year. All with little girls needing a mama. Since then, my hair has grown back. My eyebrows have grown back and I have started meeting new people. I have become part of new circles. Most when they look at me would absolutely never guess of what a horrific few years I’ve just had. So when I walk into a party or the

Do you remember that scene in Finding Nemo with the seagulls all yelling, “Mine, mine, MINE!” I think of that scene every year around Christmas time, I cringe thinking of children behaving that way on Christmas morning tearing through gift after gift without an ounce of gratitude. One of the most joyous times of year with perpetual hope is also one of the times when many are the most apt to put self before others... Why is that? We have Thanksgiving which is when everyone pos

Years ago when the gluten free train started my antennae has been up. Then I began my research. But I was always half on the train and half off. My health seemed pretty fine if I ate a sandwich or a bowl of pasta… so why bother? Or so I thought. Well one of the first things I found when I was diagnosed with breast cancer was how hurtful grains are. Grains, carbohydrates break down to sugar. No way around it. Yes our nutritional food pyramid is WAY off. So I started cutting ou

Three years ago I had an impressive baby belly with what I would soon to find out was an 8 lb 9 oz baby in my womb. My first born came right on time, on her due date (at 9 lbs). So I had an inkling that my second would come early. This go round I decided to choose a mid-wife which was the best decision I could ever make. Being a first time mom, I had no idea what I was doing. I just felt like I was thrown into the Spanish running of the bulls, trying to keep up. I denied the

May is the motherload (pun intended) of months for me as a mom. Both my daughters are born in May and my cancer-versary is in May. This gives me a lot of time to ponder the meaning of motherhood and of course to analyze myself to see if I am on the track I thought I’d be on. Re-evaluate myself, push myself, pray and try to really tune in to my girls and our life. Lately, I feel myself being pulled in so many different directions, say yes to all of the things and feeling like

When I was little I would go to bed fantasizing about my wedding. About the man I would marry and the four children I would have, 2 boys and 2 girls. I even had their names picked out. I started a wedding binder, collecting all the things I wanted to use for the planning of my wedding. For the beginning of my marriage. I am not alone in this fantasy, as girls many of us dream of being swept off our feet and carried away into the sunset by our prince charming. My love story wa

“Mama sit down.” These are the famous words I hear at 8:02 every evening. When I am spent. Every ounce of my energy has been zapped, every morsel of anything left to give has been dried up. I. Am. Done. And yet, mothering is never done. Each night when I put my 2 ½ year old in her bed, she says to me, “I have to go potty.” I am immediately filled with dread. My inner monologue begins:" Why? Why now? Do I have to take her to the bathroom? Of course, you have to take her to the

I find it interesting that during certain times of our life we are forced to slow down. Forced to pause, forced to rest. As moms, we usually don’t allow us time to do that, we push through whatever it is that is trying to remind us we need to just stop. Whether that be exhaustion…from all the things… staying home with kids all day, juggling working and kids, getting up with a newborn, feeling under the weather, stress over family issues, work deadlines, the list goes on and o

My husband and I have this ongoing argument about daily life. I am the whimsical, laid-back, easy breezy one who knows everything will be okay. Well you can imagine what happened to that when cancer hit… I really could care less about petty stuff. To me why does a clean house matter? Why do the clothes have to be folded RIGHT now? Why does STUFF matter? To me things are just things. What matters to me most are emotions, relationships, experiences, people, moments, memories. F

Here I am 17 months out from being diagnosed with breast cancer, and most people when they see me say I look great, and seem to be doing great. Which I am, thank God, I am. But what most don’t understand is the constant mind battle that takes place from the moment you are diagnosed. This battle will stay with me forever. I am not sure if other cancer warriors deal with this particular battle, but it is very very very difficult for me. I walk around absolutely terrified of can

We are almost half way through October and the pinkwashing is everywhere you turn. Pinkwashing: The practice of a company using support of breast cancer-related charities to promote itself and its products or services. How many of you have purchased a pink item only because it was pink and you thought, “Surely this goes to a good cause for cancer.” Sadly that is far from the truth. Large organizations sometimes have so much overhead that their giant events pay for just that…

Most of us, especially those in my generation, were raised with affirmations like, “You are so special. You can do anything you put your mind to. Go change the world.” At first glance, you make think. ROCK ON. Heck yes, get up and do the thing. I was the same way for most of my life. I am thankful for the affirmations, as I have realized my love language is words of affirmation, this helped shape my confidence, my determined nature and my sense of security within myself. Howe

I have been trying hard lately to raise tiny disciples. We talk about being a blessing vs being a burden to others. We speak of kindness and gentleness every day. I like to put our talks into practice and I have come up with 10 great ways moms can use to help their littles show compassion, gratitude, love, selflessness, and kindness toward others. Hand-written Notes: I think this is a lost art, I understand life gets hectic, but I still think hand-written notes, whether that

Mom shaming vs. constructive criticism Oftentimes as moms we get overwhelmed, frustrated, and our stress runs high. Everyone is telling us how to parent, book after book, blog after blog, advice after advice. Whatever happened to listening to our intuition? What ever happened to confidence as a parent, that what we choose to do is right for our kid… right for our family. Why do we as moms care so much about what other people think and say about how we parent? I am embarrassed

Last year at this time, I had no idea what was coming. I was living in my own mother’s house (again), I was buried in motherhood of two little children… almost 3 and almost 1 year old girls. I was drowning in poop, breastfeeding, spit up, an in-home daycare business, my marriage…I hardly had time to think, let alone think of myself. This year I think about motherhood and the word that most describes the mothering I experienced and the mothering I want my children to experienc

Today four years ago, I became a mother. The thing I wanted most in this world, besides being Evan's wife. I was given that gorgeous gift with a daughter, straight from above. I planned so precisely for that moment and when it arrived she completely took my breath away. Not much can be explained like a mother’s love. It is unexplainable…the power, the depth, the feeling that you would do absolutely anything in the world for that being, and that starts from in the womb, to the

It all starts with my Monday morning alarm reminding me that it is time to hit the pavement and #nevermissamonday. During this time, I feel alive and love pushing my limits. I try to ignore the pain in my hands and feet. When I arrive home, I am greeted by my happy-go-lucky firstborn. I have to remind myself to get my morning supplements in before #chemobrain sets in and I forget. Then, I attempt to get my #jesustime in by focusing on my bible study while H eats her cereal an

Since I have been on the transparent train lately, I figured it was a good time as any to share what has been eating away at me. I preface this by saying I am no perfect picture of, well anything…but you can bet your bottom dollar that I am trying my best to live better than before. Health is my primary focus this year, I have been doing so much research, reading, learning…I have been like a sponge gathering as much information about preventative care and wellness that I can.

Sometimes I feel like a sheep being pushed and guided toward this mysterious light that gives a false sense of security. I look around and see everyone else walking in that direction, so I cautiously move forward. In the back of my head the lioness in me starts to roar, I stop… the masses behind me keep moving forward almost pushing me forward too. I move myself out of the herd, I stand on the outside watching this huge crowd in tunnel vision, just trusting what is ahead. My

Any other mamas feel like their car is an extension of their purse? My sweet, amazing, acts of service husband will clean out my car… I am sure more for his sanity than mine, but he will clean it out. Which I am grateful for, but what happens days later? Everything ends up back in my car. Why? We need ALL of the things. Whether that be socks, tissues, diapers, shoes, a stroller, books, Thieves, snacks, water bottles, toys...you name it we probably have it in my car. In severa