be still and smile

I remember growing up and going over to friends’ houses to spend the night, the obligatory pizza was served and of course pop to go with it. Okay okay, here in Texas everything is a Coke. Or soda I guess. (When your parents are from Michigan, you are raised saying pop.) But we never had pop in my house, we were one of the families who were becoming healthier and venturing out of the 70s microwave dinner phenomenon. So, I never wanted pop. I wanted milk. We were raised on milk

Recently a new song has been coming on in my car and every time it does, I find myself turning the volume up and getting chills from the lyrics and tears rolling down my cheeks. The chorus rings, “Maybe it’s okay if I’m not okay. ‘Cause the one who holds the world is holding onto me. Maybe it’s alright, if I’m not alright. ‘Cause the one who holds the stars is holding my whole life.” This was such a welcomed acknowledgement that it was okay for me not to be okay. When the wor

My husband and I have this ongoing argument about daily life. I am the whimsical, laid-back, easy breezy one who knows everything will be okay. Well you can imagine what happened to that when cancer hit… I really could care less about petty stuff. To me why does a clean house matter? Why do the clothes have to be folded RIGHT now? Why does STUFF matter? To me things are just things. What matters to me most are emotions, relationships, experiences, people, moments, memories. F

All the pink banners, balloons, ribbons and such have come down… and yet I and thousands of other women still have cancer. How nice it must be for those on Instagram or Facebook to be able to just scroll by a post about breast cancer and not give it another thought. For survivors, we don’t get to opt out of cancer after October ends. It is in our every waking hour. I talk to other women and they get emotional five years out, 10 years out… do you know why? Because cancer never

Here I am 17 months out from being diagnosed with breast cancer, and most people when they see me say I look great, and seem to be doing great. Which I am, thank God, I am. But what most don’t understand is the constant mind battle that takes place from the moment you are diagnosed. This battle will stay with me forever. I am not sure if other cancer warriors deal with this particular battle, but it is very very very difficult for me. I walk around absolutely terrified of can

My oldest daughter is fixated on treats. Currently if my four-year-old wipes her bottom herself (cleanly) then she gets a treat, if my two-year-old goes potty on the potty, she gets a treat. So now they try every opportunity to do these things to get a treat. When did childhood = sugar??? Makes me cringe. For us treats are ones I have thoroughly read the label on from Whole Foods or the natural side of HEB or Trader Joes. Usually a gummy treat where I can read every single in

Crying aloud as you entered the world; The world needed you, you had purpose. Growing with grace and the unfolding of a beautiful childhood; Teaching every chance you could get, people marveled at your presence. Life could be difficult, but you always chose the bright side; You lived a perfect life. Beautiful relationships transpired; Friendships were made, even though you knew they would forsake you. A life was built, one you had dreamed of; You knew your time was coming to

Last year I had just gotten my port placed, I had cut off all my long locks and I was getting mentally prepared to start my first chemo infusion of the “Red Devil”… Last summer was brutal. I had to cancel all our plans, different vacations, family reunion… all of it. I was so so so so bummed. I remember walking into the oncologist’s office practically begging to go on my trips. As most of you know, travel is my heart’s longing… I love to get away and explore, especially when

These days it is so easy to just kick your feet up and relax without feeling the pressure to exert yourself. Many have welcomed a blasé attitude toward working hard and exercise, brushing aside it’s rising importance. For survivors and warriors of any kind, we do not have this luxury… our bodies are being compromised, stretched, poked, prodded, pulled, pushed, and exhausted by medicines fighting diseases within. Which gives us all the more reason to focus on exercise. I want

When you choose (God chooses) the person you will spend the rest of your life with, and you go through the smitten phase, the “I’m the Queen of America” stage (aka when he proposed...yes I said this out loud 🤣), to the googly eyed wedding planning phase, to OMG I am walking down the aisle...to the point where you say the vows you’ve poured over and worked on for months. When you are gazing into the eyes of the person you are vowing to spend the rest of your life with...as yo

Mom shaming vs. constructive criticism Oftentimes as moms we get overwhelmed, frustrated, and our stress runs high. Everyone is telling us how to parent, book after book, blog after blog, advice after advice. Whatever happened to listening to our intuition? What ever happened to confidence as a parent, that what we choose to do is right for our kid… right for our family. Why do we as moms care so much about what other people think and say about how we parent? I am embarrassed

I wake up in the morning and my hands are swollen, they hurt to even close them. I cringe as I pry open my medicine, which is a pain I never thought I would face. I have cracks deep in my toes that I have to apply care to each night, I have skin peeling off my feet. My hands look like I have had my hands stuck in a water basin all day…absolute prunes. My digestive system is all out of whack, not knowing up from down. This is what I face each day with my current chemo pills. A

What people don’t tell you about having cancer is it doesn’t just rock your body to the lowest valley it will go. It is also casting a shadow on your mental state, your outlook… it can jade you on life really quickly. What doctors don’t tell you about cancer is that you can suffer PTSD, depression, anxiety, panic attacks, loneliness, mood swings, anger. That you can go from absolute happiness to absolute sadness over one comment. What the doctors don’t tell you about cancer i

Today four years ago, I became a mother. The thing I wanted most in this world, besides being Evan's wife. I was given that gorgeous gift with a daughter, straight from above. I planned so precisely for that moment and when it arrived she completely took my breath away. Not much can be explained like a mother’s love. It is unexplainable…the power, the depth, the feeling that you would do absolutely anything in the world for that being, and that starts from in the womb, to the

Hey hey mamas! So, I am on day 26 of my Whole30 challenge and I feel amazing. Wow have I seen serious changes! I truly feel like all I had to do was change my mindset and then it all fell into place. I have struggled with my weight/appearance for the last 10+ years. I know much of that was my own mental game, where I needed to extend myself more grace, acceptance, and self-love. However, society does not promote that. I tried everything, every diet, every idea, even some scar

For real though, this has been the best thing I have done for myself this year. It has been a long time coming for me to get my eggs in a basket for this commitment. I took long enough justifying and claiming I needed this and that. Finally, in March I made the decision to start Whole30 in April, so all of March I had time to start eliminating certain bad foods and to wrap my head around it mentally. That part I think was key, it is too hard to jump from burgers and cheesecak

Our church is doing a special series on mental health called, The Unmentionables. The first one was last week and it was fantastic. I love that our pastor isn’t afraid to speak beyond the fluff, to core issues that our society deals with…even if they aren’t PC. Last week the focus was on depression, anxiety and suicide… it didn’t take long for tears to start streaming down my face during the sermon as he discussed the ins and outs of what anxiety and depression really are. Be

Easter weekend 2017 will forever hold a place in my heart… quite an uncomfortable place to be honest. I was sitting on my mom’s bed, we were watching, “Passion of the Christ” and stuffing eggs for our Easter Egg Hunt the next day, on Easter Sunday. That is when I knew something was terribly wrong with my body. For months, my 10-month-old baby at the time had been trying to tell me something was wrong, but I ignored it…thinking it had to be a cluster of clogged ducts. (If you

Since I have been on the transparent train lately, I figured it was a good time as any to share what has been eating away at me. I preface this by saying I am no perfect picture of, well anything…but you can bet your bottom dollar that I am trying my best to live better than before. Health is my primary focus this year, I have been doing so much research, reading, learning…I have been like a sponge gathering as much information about preventative care and wellness that I can.

It is time to be real, to be transparent about my journey. Have you ever cared so deeply about something that it just becomes a part of you? It becomes like a sensation, that starts in your heart and spreads until you take action and DO something about what you truly care about. Over the last nine months my life has turned upside down… my health has always been important to me, so to be diagnosed with breast cancer with no genetic correlation just baffled me. Then I started t