be still and smile

It has been about 938 days since I was told I had breast cancer. Since then I have had 1 year of chemotherapy, radiation and 4 surgeries. Oh and therapy for over a year. All with little girls needing a mama. Since then, my hair has grown back. My eyebrows have grown back and I have started meeting new people. I have become part of new circles. Most when they look at me would absolutely never guess of what a horrific few years I’ve just had. So when I walk into a party or the

Well it is half way through October and we have seen post after post about breast cancer. I will be one of the first people to tell you about my story and all the symptoms I had, the signs leading up to my diagnosis, the ways I could have detected it earlier, support for when diagnosed. But you know what I really wish someone would have shared with me? Prevention. I mean I remember reading a random magazine article or two about preventing cancer. I think I knew just as much a

May is the motherload (pun intended) of months for me as a mom. Both my daughters are born in May and my cancer-versary is in May. This gives me a lot of time to ponder the meaning of motherhood and of course to analyze myself to see if I am on the track I thought I’d be on. Re-evaluate myself, push myself, pray and try to really tune in to my girls and our life. Lately, I feel myself being pulled in so many different directions, say yes to all of the things and feeling like

When I was little I would go to bed fantasizing about my wedding. About the man I would marry and the four children I would have, 2 boys and 2 girls. I even had their names picked out. I started a wedding binder, collecting all the things I wanted to use for the planning of my wedding. For the beginning of my marriage. I am not alone in this fantasy, as girls many of us dream of being swept off our feet and carried away into the sunset by our prince charming. My love story wa

I have been quite overwhelmed lately. Life just seems to be on full attack from all angles. Fear mongering is e-v-e-r-y-w-h-e-r-e and it is driving me bananas. I have never been one to cower in fear, hide or close myself up. I am usually quite the extrovert. But lately, I just am becoming more and more of a homebody… I feel so safe and strong in my bubble. Then I have to go outside, and from the first step on my porch I feel like I need to wear my armor. Everything I believe

Who is ready for 2018 to go? Anyone wish it would linger a little longer? I have always found myself ready for a new year, ready for a new Monday... ready to start fresh. 2018 was quite the year for our family... the second half of my cancer journey took place in 2018... Don’t get me wrong 2018 had some pretty fantastic moments… my daughters growing and learning just brings me so much joy. It snowed in Texas as we rang in the New Year, which is pretty uncommon and awesome. We

During this season of Christmas, many embrace joy and gladness. The twinkling lights dazzle and the spirit of the season stirs up an awakening of magic and…hope. Others are experiencing, struggles and the reminder of such a season of cheer drowns them in their own despair and brings relentless thoughts of fear. Both of these feelings are completely valid and are allowed to co-mingle during the season of Christmas. The message I learned at church this past Sunday focused on ju

Here I am 17 months out from being diagnosed with breast cancer, and most people when they see me say I look great, and seem to be doing great. Which I am, thank God, I am. But what most don’t understand is the constant mind battle that takes place from the moment you are diagnosed. This battle will stay with me forever. I am not sure if other cancer warriors deal with this particular battle, but it is very very very difficult for me. I walk around absolutely terrified of can

We are almost half way through October and the pinkwashing is everywhere you turn. Pinkwashing: The practice of a company using support of breast cancer-related charities to promote itself and its products or services. How many of you have purchased a pink item only because it was pink and you thought, “Surely this goes to a good cause for cancer.” Sadly that is far from the truth. Large organizations sometimes have so much overhead that their giant events pay for just that…

Today I am having another mastectomy and reconstruction surgery. It is the biggest, longest surgery I will have to go through in this cancer battle. It will be a grueling recovery, even more so since I have little ones at home. I cannot lift for 3 months and I have a two-year-old. I was sad to see my rightie go back in November, but to be completely honest I am sadder this time around to see lefty go. Why? Well lefty was the good side. Lefty is where my girls spent most of th

Mom shaming vs. constructive criticism Oftentimes as moms we get overwhelmed, frustrated, and our stress runs high. Everyone is telling us how to parent, book after book, blog after blog, advice after advice. Whatever happened to listening to our intuition? What ever happened to confidence as a parent, that what we choose to do is right for our kid… right for our family. Why do we as moms care so much about what other people think and say about how we parent? I am embarrassed

What people don’t tell you about having cancer is it doesn’t just rock your body to the lowest valley it will go. It is also casting a shadow on your mental state, your outlook… it can jade you on life really quickly. What doctors don’t tell you about cancer is that you can suffer PTSD, depression, anxiety, panic attacks, loneliness, mood swings, anger. That you can go from absolute happiness to absolute sadness over one comment. What the doctors don’t tell you about cancer i

Change is hard. No one embraces change with ease or contentment…unless they are faced with such a dire circumstance that forces them to have a difficult mental discussion within their own head where change is imperative. I feel that is where I was. When I was diagnosed, almost a year ago I knew I had to make a serious change. At first it was easy, I was running on adrenaline and moving through the motions of appointments and scans. But then chemo started…the red “devil” prett

For real though, this has been the best thing I have done for myself this year. It has been a long time coming for me to get my eggs in a basket for this commitment. I took long enough justifying and claiming I needed this and that. Finally, in March I made the decision to start Whole30 in April, so all of March I had time to start eliminating certain bad foods and to wrap my head around it mentally. That part I think was key, it is too hard to jump from burgers and cheesecak

It all starts with my Monday morning alarm reminding me that it is time to hit the pavement and #nevermissamonday. During this time, I feel alive and love pushing my limits. I try to ignore the pain in my hands and feet. When I arrive home, I am greeted by my happy-go-lucky firstborn. I have to remind myself to get my morning supplements in before #chemobrain sets in and I forget. Then, I attempt to get my #jesustime in by focusing on my bible study while H eats her cereal an

Easter weekend 2017 will forever hold a place in my heart… quite an uncomfortable place to be honest. I was sitting on my mom’s bed, we were watching, “Passion of the Christ” and stuffing eggs for our Easter Egg Hunt the next day, on Easter Sunday. That is when I knew something was terribly wrong with my body. For months, my 10-month-old baby at the time had been trying to tell me something was wrong, but I ignored it…thinking it had to be a cluster of clogged ducts. (If you

Since I have been on the transparent train lately, I figured it was a good time as any to share what has been eating away at me. I preface this by saying I am no perfect picture of, well anything…but you can bet your bottom dollar that I am trying my best to live better than before. Health is my primary focus this year, I have been doing so much research, reading, learning…I have been like a sponge gathering as much information about preventative care and wellness that I can.

It is time to be real, to be transparent about my journey. Have you ever cared so deeply about something that it just becomes a part of you? It becomes like a sensation, that starts in your heart and spreads until you take action and DO something about what you truly care about. Over the last nine months my life has turned upside down… my health has always been important to me, so to be diagnosed with breast cancer with no genetic correlation just baffled me. Then I started t

Sometimes I feel like a sheep being pushed and guided toward this mysterious light that gives a false sense of security. I look around and see everyone else walking in that direction, so I cautiously move forward. In the back of my head the lioness in me starts to roar, I stop… the masses behind me keep moving forward almost pushing me forward too. I move myself out of the herd, I stand on the outside watching this huge crowd in tunnel vision, just trusting what is ahead. My

Over the last eight months, I have been filling my bucket full of hope. Since my diagnosis, I was hoping that by February of this year I would be able to focus on my recovery from all treatment so that my body would be prepared for my reconstruction surgery in May. However, as I have mentioned before, each time you try to take control of your own path, God loves to remind you that you’re not in control. When we sat in my oncologist’s office after my unilateral mastectomy (dur