Tuesdays have quickly become one of my favorite days of the week. It all starts with coffee and front porch sitting with my Halen girl, or cuddling up on the couch. I enjoy the quiet moments with just Halen before our Henley girl awakes. Something about mornings brings me a jolt of joy…maybe it’s the promise of a new day, a clean slate, Jesus renewed love, my girls’ big smiles…whatever it is I find mornings quite romantic. I sip my steaming cup of hot coffee all cozy in my jammies and breathe in the start of the day. I get inspired and refreshed early in the morning, deciding what we should do that day. But really, that is the best part…Tuesdays have no plan. We have nowhere to be, no one to answer to, the only requirement is for me to focus on rest before my infusion that week. Sometimes we make pancakes and have a dance party in the kitchen. Sometimes we watch movies all day, with intermittent playroom play. Sometimes we have a playdate with friends or a Nene day. Sometimes we get creative and make homemade play dough or kid crafts matching the season. But we just get to be all day long. And I love it. Most of the time just my girls and I.
One year ago, my life looked quite different on Tuesdays…I had opened an in-home daycare in order to stay home with my girls. In October 2016, I was watching three babies that were four months old, and three other babies that were toddlers. To say my day was insane is an understatement. I was undoubtedly grateful for the opportunity to stay at home, but somewhere my purpose had gotten lost. I had gotten lost. I ran through the motions, but at the end of the day I had lost my joy. Then all of a sudden cancer struck. Our lens refocused and we changed directions. It’s strange to say that my purpose was reborn through being diagnosed with cancer, but ultimately, I think it was. God was pulling the good out of the terrible. He made me realize my true potential and I was meant for so much more.
So back to my Tuesdays, I am grateful every single day that I get to be home with my girls. I know this is a special opportunity, and I have been squeezing every bit of joy out of it. Cancer has been incredibly difficult to manage with little kids, but recently life has started to look a bit more “normal”. I can go the day with just me and the girls and not fall apart completely. {Smiling and praying as I admit this!} I love enjoying our home, our big comfy couch, finding movies to watch, no agenda, just relaxing. The last time I allowed myself that on a Tuesday…was…well never. I have always been a high stress person, and I am sure that has much to do with my diagnosis. It is a pretty wonderful thing when you stop the worrying, let go and let God. Amazing things start to happen. You feel more rested, you feel calm and sure, you start to notice the bits of beauty around you. In a society where money is our end goal, success, fame, fortune, material items…stress rises pretty, high pretty fast. I wish our country would refocus our lens to family, experiences, finding joy in the small things, giving back more to others around us, sharing Jesus’ love and being grateful.
With all that being said, I think I am going to go start a homemade batch of pumpkin spice pop tarts on this chilly fall morning. Find the joy, choose peace, be still and smile.